Geeks are like snowflakes: each is unique and special; not all wear glasses and use LINUX. Geeks have an assortment of interests and specialties that are not all computer oriented. If you’re a geek in search of some career guidance, don’t sell yourself short. While most companies do need an IT guy, let’s face it, you’re a genius, you’d be great at anything. Here are some of the ultimate geek jobs.
5 Dream Jobs for Geeks
Game Tester
Let’s be honest. There are three things you want most in life: 1) A date with Natalie Portman (stalking does not count as a date) 2) a Sci-Fi Channel (never mind) 3) to play video games all day. While it is true there is nothing holding you back from playing video games all day already (and growing into the couch), you actually can make a living at it. Even though it requires you to leave the comforts of your moist, dark basement and minimally interacting with humans, game testing can be a lucrative career.
Web or Graphic Designer
What better way to exercise your intellectual superiority over others than to put those lonely summers of reading HTML handbooks to good use. By now, of course, you’ve mastered HTML, DHTML, JavaScript, CSS, and of course Pearl. You’re a master hand-coder and Dreamweaver is a joke: no real programmer uses short cuts. You dream in script and eat div tags for breakfast.
IT Guy
Ok, it seems typical: the geeky IT guy at the company who sits in a dark cube mumbling insistently about the incredible lack of adequate air conditioning for the server. But think about it: not only will you make a grip (even a grip and a half) of dough because most people are too stupid to learn how to network with the office printer, but you can also remotely log into the system and see what that jerk Tom is really doing when he’s especially quiet in his cube: Working diligently, I think not. Chatting on Oprah.com’s message boards? Bingo.
Sales person at the Sharper Image
You’re passionate about electronics- and people are fools with cash. What better way to get revenge on these frivolous spenders than by selling them electrical garbage. And if you’re not that bitter or malicious, how cool would it be than to play around with merchandise all day, learn about the latest and greatest gadgets coming out, and relax in one of those overstuffed massage chairs. Try not to enjoy the vibrating shoulder massagers too much.
Editor
You read the dictionary as a child, and on hot summer days, you would conjugate verbs while sucking on ice cubes. This job is for you. As an editor, your thick, black rimmed glasses only accentuate your enormous brain-capacity for ferreting out sentence fragments and editorial faux-pas. People run to you, oh wise one, to inquire about gerunds and you simply sigh and laugh to yourself. You can use a fat, red pen to mark-up errors to drive-home the fact that everyone is an idiot. And of course, with a preposition you never end your sentences. All hail you grammar god/goddess.
CNet Product Reviewer
Who could possibly know more about printers and scanners than a certified geek?
Watch Maker
Cell phones are the new Timex. If you still wear a watch you’re a geek.
History Channel Re-enactment Actor
You’ve devoted most of your lifetime to role-playing as it is-whether that is renaissance fair jaunts or alien abductions. Why not get paid for it?
Bladesmith
Make your own Hattori Hanzo sword.
Comic Book Illustrator or Cartoonist
Draw the girl of your dreams (you know, the tall, buxom blonde you’ll never have).
Software Engineer
Office Space kicked ass.
Tornado Chaser
While the film Twister completely glamorized the profession, it’s really not glamorous, or cool. You could die chasing tornadoes. That being said, your fascination with wind velocity is admirable.
NASA
Any NASA job is a geek’s wet dream (besides Dana Scully, of course).
Auditor
Geeks who are good with math become accountants, auditors, or work in other money-oriented professions. The excessive use of T-I-83’s in eleventh grade AP Calc gives way to interest in these otherwise nerdy jobs. But perhaps there is a flipside: you would be able to play with money. And if you’re good at it, you might be able to skim a little off the top for your troubles.
Laboratory Assistant
Bunsins and beakers… and I’m not talking about the Muppets. Geeks who received chemistry kits on Christmas spent years blowing things up and inhaling chemicals. Some even played with mercury, which explains a lot.
Sound Engineer
By default, sound engineering is a geeky-career. First of all, sound engineers never actually play music or star in bands themselves-oh no. They only belabor the acoustics of venues and the treble levels of other artist’s music. Really, it’s a job of envy, one born of many years of geeks not being cool-enough to start a band themselves. That is, until Weezer.
Starbucks Barista
The hey-day of the Starbucks phenom is over. Sure,the frappacino is the finest invention sinceEverquest, but let’s face it, Starbucks employees are geeks. They purchase those seasonal CD’s and get crazy on coffee while listening to Jewel. Please don’t spit in my latte.
Quality Control
Perfectionist geeks really like finding fault in another person’s work. What better way to exorcise these impulses than by becoming quality control. You check coats for rips and tears, tea pots for stains or cracks, or food for freshness and taste. The smallest imperfection deems the product “not good enough”-something geeks have been hearing their whole lives….
Band Conductor
Band geeks loved marching band in high school: the uniforms, the plumed hats, and of course the coveted position of band conductor. This job is perfect for any band geek who has accidentally started a conversation with “this one time at band camp…”
Optometrist
Geeks who wear glasses instead of contacts hold down the optometry fort. Now-a-days, wearing glasses is a true sign of anti-cool. (Unless you’re in a band)
Orchestra Conductor
See band conductor.
Best Buy Geek Squad Geek
This may be too obvious, but none the less, it’s the dream job of many geeks. At Best Buy, the Geek Squad makes house-calls to help people figure out how to turn on their computers or load software. A geek should have a high idiot-threshold, however, as many of these computer-challenged customers may not understand terms like “USB” or “Ethernet.” Either way, a Best Buy Geek Squad Geek gets to drive around in a cool car that says the world “I’m a geek! And I’m proud!”
Librarian
If you pledge allegiance to the Dewey Decimal System, then this job is for you. Librarians play an important role in our society; they serve as cultural anthropologists, excavating through rows and rows of artifacts called “books.” These “books” were “read” hundreds of years ago before Wikipedia. Geeks who want to become Librarians wish to restore this lost art of “reading books,” and bring greater understanding of this savage, boring time of old.
Thespian
No, not actor or actress, thespian.
Science Teacher
This is the mother of all geeky dream jobs. Back in middle or high school, to geeks, science teachers were gods. They were the keepers of all sacred scientificknowledge that text books failed to provide. To geeks, science teachers belonged to a secret society in which only MENSA Members were accepted. Science teachers are the holy-men and women of the geek fraternity, and geeks everywhere worship at the alter of biology, chemistry, and physics, meditating on a mantra: Live Long and Prosper.
